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September 23, 2014

The Iron Goat Permanent

Central Cascades, WA

SECTION N^o1 Introduction

IT’S BEEN FOUR YEARS AND I’M STILL NOT SURE WHAT THIS PROJECT IS ALL ABOUT, EXCEPT BIKE RIDING. I know it’s about bike riding. And failure. And maybe discomfort too, but definitely for sure a big focus is failure. All kinds of failure. Self imposed failure, bad luck failure, failure as a result of bad decisions, bad beta, trusting the wrong people-type failure, apathy, hubris, irrational exuberance, pathological unwarranted optimism, weather-related failure, all the them, all of the failures. I think sometimes, bottom line, bike riding a road bike on a road is boring. It’s a Known Known. Which, on a regular school night Tuesday afternoon between work and dinner, a Known Known makes perfect sense, that’s all you have time for. But eventually, after a decade of Known Knowns, in the company of friends and with a modicum of resources at your disposal, what about a Known Unknown? What if instead of riding your bike, you carried it? Put it on your back using a makeshift backpack fashioned, on the trail, for the first time, from your sister’s boyfriend’s roommate’s MountainSmith lumbar pack, a section of webbing that used to be part of a dog collar (?), three leather toe-straps and a semi-padded shoulder strap you took from the nylon duffel bag that’s been sitting in the corner of your basement for six years, and hiked, in vans (or similar), for two days through the Cascade Mountains on the Pacific Crest Trail? What if you did that? While it was raining, a whole lot. I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking, “Why would I do that?” Okay. I’ll indulge you. I will give you eight reasons why you, or “one” if you prefer, should do that. And don’t give me shit about the word should. You asked. I’m not saying you should do that, I’m just saying what if you did that?, then you asked why?, and I’m saying here’s why:

You can’t always count on weather to fuck you up. I mean yeah, chances are, with any luck, you will spend three hours wasting daylight and eating pizza in a laundromat in the Appalachian Mountains while a Class IX Hurricane drops a foot of fresh snow on the Cumberland Gap, the very same Cumberland Gap you were heretofore planning to bivouac on between the hours of 1:00 AM and 4:00 AM for rest and recovery purposes. So sometimes it makes sense to build the failure in. To plan it.
If you’re willing to push your bike and carry your bike you can link-up some siiiiiiic shit…
…I’m not just talking about getting to shred mile after mile of fresh brown pow, I also mean access to some of the finer things too, like choice sunsets and waterfalls, and maybe some naked babes or a narwhal. Point is, you never know before you go.
Sleep deprivation is awesome, no seriously, it’s a lot like being on drugs, only it’s totally 10000% free. Same hangovers, same bad decisions, same discomfort, same hallucinations, same oh-my-God-I-wish-this-would-stop-and-I-didn’t-feel-this way-anymore, and you can just induce it, for free, using your willpower and maybe a life or death need to stay warm.
You can eat whatever you want and not gain a pound—fried chicken and waffles fooooor dayzzzzz. You don’t actually have access to fried chicken and waffles because you’re stuck in the woods eating technical food bars and dehydrated backpacking rations but that’s not the point.
You learn things about yourself. Not good things necessarily, but things.
You learn to problem solve. Or you get frostbike and die. The choice is yours.
Failure is fun! Everybody loves failure! Failure makes the B-E-S-T stories.

At any rate, at some point early in 2014 we asked Hahn Rossman to plan a Brovet. We didn’t know it would be the last Brovet for the foreseeable future, or maybe we did, maybe that’s we asked him to get a little weird, even by our standards. Maybe that’s why we told him we were looking for a mixed modal experience with a taste of overlanding. Something stupid. Something mildly ambitious. Maybe the chance to get lost for a day or two, nothing too dangerous, but let’s definitely make a bad decision or two. He gave us this, the Iron Goat Permanent. It does everything we asked for plus some extra shit we didn’t even know we wanted. Like a $200.00 cab ride in the dark in the rain on Washington State’s most dangerous Highway and hantavirus.

SECTION N^o2 Pre-Ride Prep in Hahn Rossman's Garage

Our trip would be filled with many moments in which tubes would be subject to careful inspection.

The pictured tube would be re-punctured four times over the course of the next four days.

"Please change the wording about my rifle to 'a rifle that he traded for a truck transmission.'"—Text message received from Hahn Rossman after previewing this post.

SECTION N^o3 Day One

DATE: 23 September, 2014.
START: Seattle, WA
FINISH: Index, WA
MILEAGE: 68.9
WEATHER: Low 40s, scattered rain and heavy fog.

Mile 0

We left Hahn's house at 8:30 AM and went to the Essential Baking Company.

Mile 0

Note how high spirits are here, and remember that note later.

The part of Katniss was played by Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer Lawrence does not use social media of any kind, but a fan based Jennifer Lawrence Instagram feed has 29.7k followers. Yonder Journal on the other hand has 32k followers. Just, you know, saying.

You will need a permit in Hancock forest lands!

Mile 24

Pam Parker - Dog Trainer - Animal Communicator & Educator - 206.484.7276 - [email protected]

There is a point when there is so much moisture in the air that patch glue, the glue needed to patch tubes will not dry, like never. It's as if the environment itself is one big glue storage tube and the glue just graduated from private school in a small mid-western town and moved to Brooklyn with a no-limit credit card. "Now is the time to party, the drying out can wait for later! I need to mingle."

Cole and Dave demonstrate a more advanced Conga Line than Linn-Benton CC is capable of,

At what point does a stop in a ride become two separate rides?

yonderjournal_brovet_irongoatperm_day2-3 — To watch a man on a rope swing can be a beautiful experience. Just FYI, you won't find this rope swing unless you make a "wrong" turn in Fall City, WA. It's easy though, check the cue sheet.

yonderjournal_brovet_irongoatperm_day2-2 — We can be nearly absolutely sure that this photo wasn't taken on a Wednesday. In fact we have a 6/7 chance, which are very good odds, that if we made a guess that this photo didn't indeed happen on a Wednesday we would be right. This makes us feel good, like winners, or almost winners, like we have a good chance at being winners. Here's the thing, even if this photo wasn't taken on Wednesday, and therefor wasn't in-situ part of the #hardstylewednesday wavelength, if you just come back and look at this image on a Wednesday, then, and this is all due to you, this image would become part of the #hardstylewednesday wavelength, which makes it kind of a thing. So thanks.

No matter how authentic your wool jersey, or how well crafted your woodsman's beanie, you will be required to wear a sport coat when having a bourgeois brunch at the Selah Lodge located next to Snoqaulmie Falls. If you don't have a sport coat of your own, don't worry they have loaners. With jackets in place we used our wilderness cunning to avoid being labeled as interlopers, and one of the techniques employed was to make sure that we took plenty of time in the place. With the languor of robber barons we enjoyed a three hour brunch, pacing our meal, ordering second and third courses, all the while sucking down one Arnold Palmer after another.

Mile 35

The Snoqualmie Nation considers this specific place, the place where heaven and earth meet. (Yonder Journal respects the Snoqualmie Nation's traditional assertion, but we also feel that it is necessary to note that all surface land, by definition, is the place where heaven and earth meet.)

Visitors to Snoqualmie enjoy the Historic District, the Northwest Railway Museum, unique shops, and more than 35 restaurants that cater to all manner of tastes.

Hahn is tired of the Historic District, the Northwest Railway Museum, unique shops, and more than 35 restaurants that cater to all manner of tastes.

Mile 43

Literally everything was wet.

Mile 47

Lyrics from the song "The Hanging Tree." Sung by Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games Part III: Mockingjay.

Are you, are you Coming to the tree? They strung up a man They say who murdered three. Strange things did happen here No stranger would it be If we met at midnight In the hanging tree.

Are you, are you Coming to the tree? Where dead man called out For his love to flee. Strange things did happen here No stranger would it be If we met at midnight In the hanging tree.

Are you, are you Coming to the tree? Where I told you to run, So we'd both be free. Strange things did happen here No stranger would it be If we met at midnight In the hanging tree.

Are you, are you Coming to the tree? [Movie line:] Wear a necklace of rope, [Soundtrack line:] Wear a necklace of hope, Side by side with me. Strange things did happen here No stranger would it be If we met at midnight In the hanging tree.

Are you, are you Coming to the tree? Where I told you to run, So we'd both be free. Strange things did happen here No stranger would it be If we met at midnight In the hanging tree.

Are you, are you Coming to the tree? They strung up a man They say who murdered three. Strange things did happen here No stranger would it be If we met at midnight In the hanging tree.

Are you, are you Coming to the tree? Where dead man called, out For his love to flee. Strange things did happen here No stranger would it be If we met at midnight In the hanging tree.

We couldn't find any food and we needed supplies, so we knocked on the door of Index Outdoor Adventure Center and joined their family rib dinner. Afterwards, we offered to throw them some cash for the ribs and the apple juice, and they said "Okay sure, $14.50 a head." Subsequent to shelling out cash they played kayak videos with dubstep soundtracks.

Flats Flats Flats Flats Flats Flats Flats Flats Flats Flats Flats Flats Flats Flats.

Mile 69

Hahn tried to buy a tube of patch glue during our rib dinner. The guy says "yeah, well now, I don't have patch kits." Kinda obvious, but we were in a desperate-for-glue kind of way. Afterwards we sat on their back porch, which was covered, but wet. That's a blanket statement, Index was just wet, all of it, the whole thing, Index exists in a fishbowl, a fish bowl filled with water.

Mile 69

David eats sexy cupcakes in his dreams, TONS of sexy frosting, everything was wet.

Mile 69

Cole slept in the attic with 432 dead flies.

After we asked about Goldbar "Oh hey, we have an empty cabin you can stay in, with wifi." We end up paying $150 for the night but we left $180 worth of sand behind and we took $150 worth of showers. You do the math.

yonderjournal_brovet_irongoatperm_day2-9 — The cabin had no furniture, no washer or dryer and a non-inflatable mattress with a leak. The cabin was soooo hot.

We went to a Korean Lady's store which was a museum of convenience store products, she had VHS blanks and brandy flavoring on the shelves. We said that we were looking for a place to stay, a spot to sleep. She called the bed and breakfast, she called the mobile, everything was booked. She said that we could stay in Goldbar where there is a motel that is ALWAYS vacant *weird face*.

We went back to talk to the family at the ribs joint, they said DO NOT go to Goldbar, it's so foul.

SECTION N^o4 Day Two

DATE: 24 September, 2014.
START: Index, WA
FINISH: Leavenworth, WA
MILEAGE: 62.3
WEATHER: Low 40s, sporadic rain and heavy clouds.

Mile 69

We woke up at 530 or 600 and we left at 830. Cole woke up to a flat. We had breakfast in the Korean convenient store museum. Breakfast was 1st gen Wolfgang Puck chicken noodle soup with pesto—David: "the pesto, it just makes it", peanut butter, 200 ct. tortillas. Tortilla debate: Hahn only wants to bring 8 tortillas and leave the other 190 tortillas in the Index cabin. All agrees that the entire remaining inventory of cheese should come with us. Cole used the tortillas as paper towels.

Mile 69

Oh! There you are, road!

yonderjournal_brovet_irongoatperm_day3-43 — When you leave Index, the road will look like this for a few miles.

We are 100% sure that that there is a really good chance that it is always this wet.

Mile 76

Hey road, where'd ya go?

As you can see the Index to Galena road is washed out and has been since the Skykomish River flooded in 2006. There are funding issues, environmental assessments, and even Mother Nature herself is standing in the way to fixing the road. It’s going to take 5-10 years to fix, and over 15 million dollars to complete. The road is washed out for about 7 miles. Doing some quick math, thats roughly 2 million dollars a mile. If our estimations are correct, and they rarely are, just the section here from photographer to Broveteer's must be around 150k.

yonderjournal_brovet_irongoatperm_day3-51 — Contrary to popular belief, water transfer sections are the real reason that serious road cyclist go through all the effort to remove unnecessary and uncomely hair from their legs. Hydrodynamic testing has proven that there is a 30-40 watt saving per submerged step when water is calf high or above. It doesn't take a hydrodynamic engineer to figure out that at the end a typical road race shaving one's legs translates to **BIG** energy savings.

"Mind the gap" is an audible or visual warning phrase issued to rail passengers in the UK to take caution while crossing the gap between the train door and the station platform. It was first introduced in 1969 on the London Underground in the United Kingdom. The phrase is also associated with souvenir T-shirts that Transport for London sells, featuring the warning printed over the network's rounded logo.

yonderjournal_brovet_irongoatperm_day3-1 — Jack's Knob (Pass) is the worst gravel climb ever, Daniel hates it and wonders why Hahn has made hime do it twice. Knowing Hahn and knowing Daniel, no one else wonders why Hahn would make Daniel climb Jack's Knob Pass again.

Mile 86

Still wet.

Mile 88

This is a still from a David Marchi Youtube video in which David demonstrates how to open a can with chipseal. David goes on to demonstrate how to eat can's contents cold. The way he savors each bit convinces the rest of our band that this is indeed one way to consume our canned goods, but we have to wonder, can we heat ours up?

Cole ate grilled cheese and skippy honey pb burrito dipped in soup #sporklife

Fine dining.

Exquisite ambiance.

It is important to note that Great Northern’s logo was a Mountain Goat and they laid down iron tracks: hence the name Iron Goat.

In the late 1800’s, a bridge was needed to bridge the gap between Seattle’s ports and everything in the Eastern US. The Great Northern Rail Company heeded the call and wanted to put in rails that stretched from Minneapolis-St. Paul through the Northern Cascades, via present day Stephens Pass, on to Seattle.

Mile 110

A diverse group went to work for Great Northern on making this a reality. Chinese, Japanese, Swedes, Irishers, Germans, and East Coasters climbed up to the Northern Cascades to bleed and sweat for a man-made Northwestern Passage.

Cole takes a photo of a hawk on a clock tower.

A hawk on a clock tower.

Mile 113

Stevens Pass sits at 4,061 feet.

"Contrary to popular belief, the dark swirl in a loaf of marble rye is not pumpernickel. Rather, it’s the same rye bread as the light swirl, but made darker with added cocoa powder."

Team meeting to discuss the fact that we're cold, wet, behind schedule and in the middle of a river.

Mile 113

Cole, you look super-duper nice.

Mile 113

Newly appointed athletic costuming choices were made after spending an hour drying off in the Stevens Pass lodge.

A Google search of "seductive licking" yields about 3,140,000 results in (0.37 seconds).

A Google search of "Bing" in order to Bing search "seductive licking" yields about 297,000,000 results in (0.24 seconds) A Bing search of "seductive licking" yields 2,680,000. Search time was not revealed.

Yeeeeeehaw!

A list of things not allowed at Leavenworth's Octoberfest Festhalle: Bota Bags or Alcohol, Coolers, Drugs & Drug Paraphernalia, Fireworks/Explosives, Knives/Weapons/Guns, Outside Food or Beverage (All bags will be checked), Professional Cameras.

NO PETS allowed inside the Oktoberfest compound (licensed ADA assistants excepted).

Mile 149

After visiting the thematically adroit town of Solvang, business owners Owen and Pauline Watson, formed the Project LIFE (Leavenworth Improvement For Everyone) Committee with the intent of turning Leavenworth into Bavarian theme town. At a macro level they enjoy a degree of success.

Mile 149

While not well known in the states the "the tired dog" resting position can be quite an effective posturing measure in certain specific situations. Unfortunately the staff at Icicle Brewing Co thought that David was "passing out" at the bar and asked us to leave.

yonderjournal_brovet_irongoatperm_day3-62 — *Cole Maness* by Milton Glaser

yonderjournal_brovet_irongoatperm_day3-12 — Cha, Brah!

Mile 149

Evidence on the Oxford English Corpus shows the word selfie in use by 2003, but further research shows the earliest usage (so far anyway) as far back as 2002. Its use was, fittingly enough, in an online source – an Australian internet forum.

2002 ABC Online (forum posting) 13 Sept.: “Um, drunk at a mates 21st, I tripped ofer [sic] and landed lip first (with front teeth coming a very close second) on a set of steps. I had a hole about 1cm long right through my bottom lip. And sorry about the focus, it was a selfie.” #selfie

Mile 149

We were introduced to our Taxi driver through a drunk. After talking to him on the phone he said he would take us for forty bucks a head. The taxi driver's his last name is Parton and he is related to Dolly, "met her in the 70s", owns the taxi with a bro, was a logger, at ten his dad gave him the keys to a logging truck and said "hey you're a logging driver," his dad retired at 87. Last name Parton has four kids, he once stalked a deer for four years, it was an award winning deer. And he accidentally stalked the deer towards his friend who wound up killing it. He shows us a picture of it while hydroplaning the van at 75 mph in the pitch black forest night. Additionally he has a tic that causes him to jerk the wheel every thirty minutes or so.

SECTION N^o5 Day Three

DATE: 25 September, 2014.
START: Chelan, WA
FINISH: Pacific Crest Trail, WA
MILEAGE: 11.3 (plus 31 on Lady of the Lake ferry)
WEATHER: Low 40s, rain and heavy fog.

"Fuck tech, Im down with plastic bags!" David invents Hobotech-4000 Socks. A revolution in no-cost cold-wet weather gear. You microwave your socks and use a laundry bag as an over-sock.

Feel free to steal that idea, it's yours.

Chelan to Stehekin is about 50 miles by way of the Lady of the Lake ferry. If pressed to make a guess as to the origin story of the Lady of the Lake ferry's name, the YJ staff would hazard that it has to do with a certain native American woman who is featured as the central brand idiom for a nationally distributed butter brand, not the ghost arm that can some how float while holding a sword.

Mile 203

Lake Chelan is the main pull to Chelan. It is the third deepest lake in the nation and the 26th deepest in the world.

Mile 203

The ferry from Chelan to Stehekin will cost you $40 per person, the same amount as our taxi ride the night before... coincidence? fate? graft? Our questions went unanswered.

Bicycle transport on the Lady of the Lake is $13.50 each way.

The Shoreline Marine Galvanized Cast Iron Cleat is the best selling boat cleat on Amazon.

If you are one of these two people, we want to HANG! Bro, you shooting digital? How many megs we talking about here?

Cole, chillin'.

Mile 203

"There is one permanent resident at the lake. Ogopogo! This is a monster who at one time devoured all the grazing animals on what was once flat prairie land. When the Indians who lived there and depended on the animals for their substance, they appealed to the Splendid Spirit to help them. Splendid Spirit threw down a large stone to kill the monster, and the stone, instead of killing the monster, made a huge crater with mountains surrounding it."—Tony Rose

Mile 203

More than 90% of the Lake Chelan watershed is forested land.

Mile 203

The flag should not be displayed on days when the weather is inclement, with the exception of an all-weather (nylon or other non-absorbent material) flag. However, most flags are made of all-weather (nylon or other non-absorbent material) materials.

Mile 203

We know you're wondering, "Can I bring my firearm on the boat?" Well here is your answer, and you're in luck: "Yes, however the firearm must be unloaded with the bolt open, and must be presented to the Captains, separate from other luggage, and will be transported in the pilot house with the Captains."

Lake Chelan National Recreation Area, which Stehekin resides in, is a unit administered by the National Park Service.

Old people, young people, MacBooks, people with pitbull in camo were going to work on construction project in Stehekin.

Overheard during our passage "I worked on my wife's muzzleloader so she's happy."

David sleeps like we all did in the third grade.

Daniel, Hahn and David all slept inside of a 6'x3' area without touching.

yonderjournal_brovet_irongoatperm_day4-42 — Stehekin sits across the lake from Chelan and is only accessibly by boat, plane, foot, and hoof.

Mile 203

Stehekin means ”The Way Through” in “chinuk wawa,” a Creole trade language found in the Cascades. It is a reflection of the trapper-traders and American Indian presence in the region. Many names in the region come from “chinuk wawa.”

Someone, somehow, may or may not have broken Cole's bike in transit.

We load out and move our bikes away from boat. Afterward we get a camping pass, a permit, and info. Unsolicited advice is dispensed. "Never trust the so called rangers, fucking hang around the fort Indians, who don’t know where the trails go or how long they are!" The veracity of these claims will be tested in the coming hours.

"It was said that forcing loyal seamen to walk the plank was supposed, by the perpetrators, to "avoid the penalty for murder" (by not actually killing the victims), but this would hardly have worked. Not only would most legal authorities not have hesitated to prosecute any person who forced another to his death, but piracy and mutiny were also capital crimes. Given the occasions on which it was known to have been employed, it appears more likely to have been an elaborate and unusual form of sadistic entertainment rather than a regular method of murdering unwanted captives."

Mile 204

As it turns out, the trail does not immediately begin in Stehekin, so we began riding again.

Mile 206

Five miles down this road we learned that it was, in fact, impassable. We would learn even later that it is not the best route to the trail, either. We have accounted for and avoided these mistakes in the attached cue sheet, so you're welcome.

Rainbow Creek.

Hey Hahn, whatcha thinkin' about?

Packing Theory

The YJIGET (Yonder Journal Iron Goat Expedition Team) did not follow a unified bicycle packing theory, and in the end, each team members packing methodology said a lot about our individual psyches. Or at least we speculated that it did. Everyone was mostly satisfied-ish, except for David. David was very unsatisfied.

Mile 211

Morale boosters were required, because it was really wet and cold and we were carrying our bikes and the hike was twice as long as we thought it was, and we were really behind schedule.

Mile 211

Block it all out, cut away all the influences. If you are preparing to strap a perfectly functional bicycle to your back so that you may more easily walk with it, thus simultaneously defeating the purpose of the bicycle and your reason for having it, then, having successfully freed your mind from suggestion, what you see above is exactly the image that your mind would create.

Mile 211

Due to long standing bias towards bicycles by curiously opinionated fellow outside experiencers the Yonder Journal Iron Goat Permanent Expedition Team (YJIGET), a law abiding and righteous crew, was forced to construct a manageable bike carry system in order to navigate the a section of Wilderness and Pacific Crest Trail that is strictly verboten to bicyclists.

If hiking sucks, then you stay in the first campground with a shelter. The Bridge Creek Campground used to be a small camp center for trappers and miners in the Stehekin area. There was a post office, a few small stores, and a “boarding house.” “Forest liquor” was possibly invented here. It is a small batch alcohol made from ponderosa pine needles. Known receipts died with the trappers who made it due to the high toxicity of ponderosa needles.

"Guys, what's Hantavirus?"

Mile 214

We woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of what our consensus estimated to be around 300 rats engaged in ribald sexual acts.

We saw stars in the rain. There is speculation that this unexpected view of the nights sky incited the aforementioned rodent orgy.

Mile 214

This image should not inspire confidence.

SECTION N^o6 Day Four

DATE: 26 September, 2014.
START: Pacific Crest Trail, WA
FINISH: Mazama, WA
MILEAGE: 27.9
WEATHER: Low 40s, scattered rain and heavy clouds.

Mile 216

#scootching

Mile 216

On this day we hiked basically the whole day on the PCT. In total we would travel 18 miles on foot with a bicycle on our backs.

yonderjournal_brovet_irongoatperm_day5-4 — The Pacific Crest Trail runs from Mexico to Canada stretching 2,650 miles.

It began as an idea from Clinton C. Clarke. He masterminded the trail via pen, paper, and his atlas. But there is no record of him ever hiking the trail.

It seemed like a terrible idea on this day, even though it was pretty.

Long johns and artisanal rain coat = #hobotech

Mile 219

Mile 219 was pretty.

Mile 220

The fetal position is universally recognized as a sign that something has gone horribly wrong. Its also a great way to retain body heat when catching a few Z's next to a river, miles from anything, in middle of nowhere Washington.

Mile 221

Steampunk antelope caracasses.

David stopped caring at some point during Day Four.

Mile 221

Don't fall in!

Can you do bronze sculpture? Yonder Journal wants to hear from you. We are actively looking for bids on a sculpture based on this image. Serious inquiries only, please.

Mazama was sits under Goat Peak. Mazama is Spanish for a type of deer genus that is derived from the Nahuatl language. It is the eastern gateway to the Northern Cascades. It is known for its “Early Winters,” which is from it sitting in a deep mountain valley. Mazama is growing due to adventure tourism. My camera broke before we got to Mazama.

The Iron Goat Permanent

SECTION No1 Introduction

SECTION No2 Pre-Ride Prep in Hahn Rossman's Garage

SECTION No3 Day One

SECTION No4 Day Two

SECTION No5 Day Three

SECTION No6 Day Four

SECTION N^o1 Introduction

SECTION N^o2 Pre-Ride Prep in Hahn Rossman's Garage

SECTION N^o3 Day One

SECTION N^o4 Day Two

SECTION N^o5 Day Three

SECTION N^o6 Day Four