Yonder Journal

Mental illness increase’s a person’s capacity to deal with extreme hot and cold temperatures.

Potential Ground Score Observed (PGSO): Like-new Monster Energy FlexFit baseball cap spotted on the side of the highway. Though equipped for a variety of challenging road/off-road conditions, our Toyo tire-equipped Toyota 4Runner is unable to surmount the highway divider. To the best of our knowledge this pristine Monster Energy FlexFit remains up for grabs.

The smell of Sacramento is the smell of Arby’s.

CSF staff names each of it’s onsite golf carts after famous people from Sacramento - #65 is Tom Hanks, #54 is Faber from the cookware Fabers. #itsthebest

CSF uses a divide and conquer social media game, #itsthebest for the playful and irreverent and #CSstatefair for the straight-laced business types. YJ postulates that an in-depth study stemming from the usage of these hashtags could be used to predict concession demand, carnival game participation, and teen pregnancy. #itsthebest

Yonder Journal Associate Development Information (YJADI): Fancy cameras in combination with a knowing confidence will get you media passes in 98% of media pass request situations. #itsthebest

If you were to bottle the smell of the CSF to sell to men and women hoping to capture that “fresh from the fair” scent the home perfumer could recreate an approximate facsimile by mixing equal parts vomit and corndog. #itsthebest

The CSF visual motif owes a debt of inspiration to the Hasbro (née Milton Bradley) board game Candyland. #itsthebest

If up to this point in journey our experience of US cultural life could be compared to dial-up internet then the CSF was like walking into Best Buy and experiencing it as a Michael Bay production in full HD through a VR headset while reclining in a full body massage chair drinking Monster Energy infused cocktails. #itsthebest

Keywords for the CSF: sugar, sweat, gnashing, gnawing, jerky, tawny, tan, feet, toes, wrinkles, goatees, tanktops, K-Swiss, corndog, Monster Energy, vomit, sweat, sugar, sweat, sunburn. #itsthebest

Top ranked ride name: “Rockin Tug” #itsthebest

Considering the Sacramento Summer’s long tradition of sunshine and heat YJ feels that the Fair Ground site designers grossly underestimated the amount of shade needed to create a semi-comfortable CSF experience. #itsthebest #itsadryheat

The sad irony of the Michael Jackson-themed bumper car ride called Neverland did not escape our attention. #itsthebest

The Raging Waters water park of Sacramento falls under the 2% of places where fancy cameras and confidence will not get you a media pass. #itsthebest

The annual Milo’s Corndog eating contests establishes two things for Yonder Journal. 1) That Molly Schuyler is in a league of her own when it comes to eating competitions, or what history will refer to as the high hubris of the 21st century, by eating 24 corndogs. 2) By playing “Who let the dogs out” on repeat during the contest Milo’s establishes the YJ song of the day. #itsthebest

If it is socially uncouth for two 6’ tall, 15+ year old boys to be walking through a really crowded CSF each holding the hand of a parent then the family we just witnessed gets the award for flaunting social norms in order to maintain a non-traditional public display of filial love. #itsthebest

“FULL PULL” #itsthebest

After plaguing the YJ #westernrec experience it was both surprising and revelatory that we managed to make it through a day at the CSF with out being subjected to Awolnation’s Sail or any songs by bands with that “Lumineers” sound. #itsthebest

GEOPACKAGE COORDINATES – THIS GEOPACKAGE HAS BEEN FOUND

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